14 ~ Surgery

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We left our hotel that morning, and we were happy. We were at peace. The Lord was doing amazing work in our hearts that we could not have done. We laughed and joked a bit while I was prepping for surgery and scrubbing down with what I assumed were microwaved jumbo moist towelettes. Loren even swung by once I was decent and said hello on his way behind his own curtain to scrub down. Julia held my hand and prayed with me, and I knew we were going to be okay. I was actually going through with this.

The anesthesiologist came in and gave me a shot of something strong, and the room started to spin. I remember as they wheeled me out, there was a photo on the wall of several tall skinny trees in a bunch. When I entered my prep room, they were stationary, but when they wheeled me out, those bad boys were movin’ and groovin’! I don’t remember the rest of the journey to the operating room, but I did wake up in the stainless-steel room when they were prepping me for surgery.

It was cold, and I have to admit, I was pretty scared. The anesthesiologist wanted to give me a nerve blocker through my back, and I agreed. He went in with that massive needle very similar to an epidural, and I went white. The drugs he had given me previously were keeping the edge off, but he missed something, and it hurt bad. He lined up for a second shot at it, and I mentioned that it might just be better to deal with the pain after; he didn’t listen and went in wrong for the second time. The pain was so sharp inside my back, it made me almost come off the table, and I thought I was going to vomit. The O.R. nurse took my hands and was able to calm me almost immediately. She had a hard look. It was obvious her life hadn’t been ideal and that she was working through some stuff of her own. She had a sadness about her that made me want to hear her story, but none of that got in the way of her being extremely capable at her job. She didn’t seem to care about any of her issues at that point. She was invested 100% in me and in helping me to get through the surgery. If eyes are the window to the soul, then I learned that day that none of her hardships mattered to her. Her soul’s desire was to help others, and I had the privilege of being her patient that day. The anesthesiologist lined up for number three, and I protested again. The surgeon was watching the whole ordeal, and when he saw that I was about to be stabbed a third time, he snapped at the anesthesiologist and let him know that he had done enough and he was free to go. I thanked the surgeon, and my nurse helped me lie down.

The surgeon, who may have actually just been a urologist, finished some prep work, and I asked if I could pray for them. The nurse, who had not yet let go of my hand, agreed to my request, and while I was praying for God to bless them for their love and care towards the other patients and me, she took the opportunity to gas me. Touché, lady. I have no idea how that prayer ended. It started good but likely ended with some mindless drivel about the high-pressure, simultaneous operation, hydraulic fracking. Who knows?

I wanted so badly to thank my nurse. She was 100% what the Lord knew I needed in that operating room, but I never saw her again. I want her to know how much her care meant to me that day, even though she put me under during prayer and wanted to take an opportunity to care for her in return. I felt like she needed that. If you happen to know an O.R. nurse at PSL who assists in transplants, please pass on my gratitude. If you are an operating room nurse, I thank you. You are doing amazing work at a time when people are at their worst emotionally and in need the most.

I don’t believe that I woke up until about six hours after my surgery that day. Julia was there with me, and she had been there all day. Julia reminds me of the Holy Spirit from time to time, and this is one such time. I asked her about her day, where she had gone to get food and coffee, etc. Nowhere and nothing were her answers. She hadn’t gone anywhere. She hadn’t eaten anything. She wanted to be present the moment I woke up. She was there for me even when I didn’t know it. When I woke up, I assumed she had left for some time, but she never had—what a beautiful reminder of his faithfulness to us.

Hebrews 13:-6

5 Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” 6 So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?”

Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

One last parallel or lack thereof to drive home. I have four small scars on my dad belly today as reminders of three robotic arms and a minnow net. The absence of organ that I gave to Loren has not yet affected my physical function, my ability to hydrate adequately, or anything else that I have been able to see to this point. I recovered very quickly and experienced no loss that I could think of. Christ, on the other hand, suffered a bit worse than a botched nerve blocker needle. He endured true suffering. Our Christian lives are to be a journey of getting to know him and the power of his resurrection made possible by the fellowship of his sufferings. This is a lifelong journey and doesn’t happen in a single event regardless of how easy, like my donation, or how traumatic, as many of you have endured horrendous losses and suffering. These events are not to be compared to Christ’s suffering, but these events do bring us closer to Christ through the fellowship of suffering.

Each of us has a different capacity and tolerance for suffering, and likewise, we all have a different way of relating to Christ on our journeys. Your journey is yours alone, just as my journey is mine alone. Our individual paths have been designed by a loving Father to help us grow closer to the Son and by growing closer to the Son, thereby the Father. My desire in recounting these stories for you is not to awe you with my journey but to help you relate your own path to Christ and to help you praise him along your way.

Philippians 3:7-11

7 But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8 Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— 10 that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

I Corinthians 11:23-26 23

For I received from the Lord what I also delivered to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took bread, 24 and when he had given thanks, he broke it, and said, “This is my body, which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” 25 In the same way also he took the cup, after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.” 26 For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes. SEO Type jargon. Move along ... Hello, and welcome to my not a blog blog! So, I wrote a book, and I want the message of that book to get out regardless of whether or not anyone buys a copy of the book. A blog, so I hear, is a great way to take advantage of SEO and make sure that people who WANT to find content that my book covers will have a clear path to it’s happy little home in the Amazon marketplace and should then be able to walk away with a hard copy, kindle version, or Audible copy of said book. To that end, I will be releasing sneak previews and portions to each chapter over the next several weeks. Can I buy the book today? No, sorry. While it is completed, edited, and proofed, the audio version is currently being recorded by a guy with a much better voice than my own. I have no idea what I am doing in publishing, but I think I want to release it all at once. How did you get your book on Amazon? Well, I am a brilliant author, but I also used Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP) that allows me to manage and upload my own manuscript(s), audio, and artwork. So what is the book about? Sovereign and Gentle is a window into my happy little family for those of you who don’t know us as well as a deeper look for those who do. The book will even be informative to some of my closest friends, as I don’t talk about much of this content often. The book opens with the prospect of either Julia or myself donating a Kidney, follows that painful journey, and then backtracks to cover some of our struggles with infertility, multiple miscarriages, foster care, and adoption. I even sprinkled in some real estate investing horror stories for you guys. The story is framed by key passages from Scripture that have been especially meaningful to me, and the climax of the book seeks to honor and praise God, who has gifted us in all things to be able to serve him in and through our struggles. Did I discuss the big church from college days that laid me off on multiple occasions and kicked us out of a house after the pastor went up the river? I did, and I don’t think I’m bitter… I think... I’m a work in progress there, but I hope that I framed that experience in such a manner that others who have been beaten up by institutions can find comfort in the one who is sovereign over all things and in His ultimate plan.