12 ~ "In light of what Christ has done for us, this kidney donation is really nothing.”

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What now? That was a pretty good question. By this time, I knew I wanted to donate even if Loren wasn’t a viable option, but Loren and I still hadn’t really spoken. Writing this down, I guess it sounds pretty odd even to me, but it made sense at the time. I truly don’t love talking with people other than the six other humans living in my house, and I didn’t need to talk to Loren for any of the testings that had taken place. His kidneys were failing, and Julia and I were interested in helping. Enough said, right? But we needed to talk. Why was he single? What was his commitment to his health post-donation? What if the kidney donation failed? What if his body rejected the kidney? The what-ifs were countless and kept coming. When Marita was grilling me for any sign of psychological motivation, one thing that she mentioned that got me to thinking was,

“What if your recipient doesn’t take care of his health and loses the kidney due to his poor judgment? How would you feel?”

Now that got me thinking. What if this whole business is for nothing? What if Loren trashes MY kidney? Now I don’t like talking things out, but I do know when to go ask for advice. It was time for me to call Pastor Matt. Matt was our lead Pastor Elder, about my same age, and has kids just a few years ahead of my own. I called Matt to get some general advice on the whole thing. I’ll save you the details, but the important part is pretty basic and anticlimactic.

“Dave?” He began to ask, “Have you talked to Loren about this stuff? He is really easy to talk to, and I think you two would hit it off.”

… This was a personal facepalm moment for me.

Talk. To. Loren.

Well, I suppose it was time. I sat down with Julia, and we came up with a list of questions that I wanted to ask Loren to ensure that this was the right move for me. I was reading over the list and getting myself ready to go over them with Loren, and I felt a rap-tap-tap on my heart. The Lord has such a gentle way of making himself heard even to numbskulls like myself. I was hearing very clearly that I was to give this kidney freely with no strings attached. Who was I to hold back life from a man who needed it? Who was I to lord over his life and his health decisions, or possibly withhold this gift of life that wasn’t even mine to give in the first place? I had been thinking of the donation as a thing that I could do for someone else, with emphasis on me and my kidney.

For the readers here who are not coming at or from a living organ donation or from your own story from a Christian world view, let me take a moment to encourage you in my own relationship with Jesus Christ. The beautiful thing about the Christian life is not that we are saved from life’s troubles but that the Lord walks through these times with us. My relationship with Jesus teaches me that I am not saved for a life of prosperity and care-free living but that I can have fellowship and commonality with him through my own suffering. Those of you who have hurt like you never knew possible understand that the one thing that has the most value during these difficult times is companionship. Going through living hell with someone by your side is far better than living in decadence alone and friendless. Consider the following passage from Philippians chapter 3.

Philippians 3:7-16

7 But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8 Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— 10 that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Straining Toward the Goal 12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. 16 Only let us hold true to what we have attained.

The Holy Spirit was making it very clear to me that this was a gift to Loren from Himself. I was simply a conduit. I simply hosted this kidney for 35 years. I had been given multiple gifts, including being healthy, being physically able to donate, being financially able to endure the time off, and I had family close enough to support my family and me during the process. What did all of these blessings have in common? These were all gifts to me from the Father. These were not conditional gifts. I believe that if I had chosen not to give Loren that kidney, I would still have been able to live in these graces. I would still have 80 hours of sick leave. I would still be close to my family. I would still be healthy, and hey, I would have a backup kidney should one of mine decide to take a dive through renal failure or a tragic accident.

God is good to me, not because of anything that I have done or will do. God is good to me because it pleases him to be good.

My personal state of being has no bearing on the goodness of the Father, and the goodness of the Father is not predicated by my obedience or lack thereof.

Dwelling in the grace of these truths, I threw out my questions for Loren and decided it was time to go meet him with the family. It was time to let him know about my approval from PSL to move forward with the process and my decision in submission to the Spirit to direct that donation to him.

I called Loren and asked him if we could come over and chat for a bit with the family. We weren’t really asking people to come over to our place at that time due to monster house and all. He was thrilled to have us over and even said that he would have toys out for the kids. Loren has toys for kids? Who is this guy? We really needed this evening to get to know our brother from church. We arrived at his house that evening, and he received us graciously. I had grilled the kids in the van about how we act at a friend’s house, and by their poor answers to our rehearsed questions, I knew we were going to be in trouble. They were just so excited to meet their new friend, Mr. Loren. They definitely take after their mom in that regard. I don’t know that I have ever been excited to meet a new friend. Nervous and apprehensive, sure, but rarely excited. I tend to agree with the wise old Bilbo Baggins where he said,

“I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.”

I had a feeling that we weren’t going to be putting our best foot forward, and that became highly evident when the three oldest kids noticed that Mr. Loren had … a doorbell. My kids love doorbells. More than most, actually. You see, our house didn’t have a doorbell yet, and anyone that did have such exquisite real estate amenities was immediately elevated to hero status in their book. Loren was, of course, thrilled to have all the kids take turns ringing his doorbell and looked on pleasantly amused at the whole situation.

Loren’s pleasant and calm demeanor seemed genuine. He wasn’t being showy. He wasn’t trying to earn our approval. He wasn’t on edge expectant of the precious organ nestled comfortably below my ribs. He was just, … Loren. Stepping into Loren’s house was like stepping back in time or into your grandparents' house. His house was clean and orderly but well-loved and well-lived in. We took our seats on a well-worn couch while he got out a large sack of toys from years past for the kids to play with. They sat there on carpet that reminded us of years gone by as he started talking about his grandkids and how they had loved to play with these toys at his house. When he spoke of his family, he did so with a soft faraway look in his eye. He genuinely loved them. He was a good dad and a good grandpa.

There was a portrait over his fireplace of a beautiful woman about 10-15 years younger than he was that day. “May I ask who she is?” With a heavy sigh, he recounted his soulmate’s battle with cancer. He had lost her about ten years ago. Prior to her passing, Loren and his wife had moved Loren’s recently widowed mother-in-law in with them. His house had a kitchenette in the basement, and they moved her in with them for her final years. Loren and his wife, Cheryle relocated to the basement suite so that Pauline could be more comfortable in the master bedroom on the main floor. Shortly after moving Pauline in with them in 2005, Cheryle was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. They lost Pauline shortly after Cheryle’s diagnosis, and then Loren lost Cheryle just before Christmas in 2010. It was a somber few moments as Julia and I watched him remember his wife.

He wasn’t alone in this old, well-loved house, though. Loren is avid in his desire to always be discipling. He developed a relationship with a lovely Filipino man and his wife, Lumi and Deborah, who were attending a local seminary. Due to the hardship of paying for seminary and trying to afford housing in the Denver area, Loren opened his home to this couple to live with them. Despite their doctrinal differences, Loren and his house guests enjoyed many dinners and deep discussions predicated on their love of the gospel and for another.

Here was a man living with renal failure and a slowly declining quality of life. His highlights were caring for his grandkids whenever his children needed it and discipling anyone who would listen and was willing to enter a deeper understanding of the word. He opened his home willingly to those in need, and his greatest enjoyment in this life is talking about God with believers and non-believers alike. The deeper I investigated Loren’s life all I could see was selfless living and intentional giving. To be fair to the rest of us, I am sure that Loren was not always so selfless. He is a mature man on the back half of a life well-lived. Loren exemplified a life surrendered to understanding and knowing God. Speaking with him was refreshing. He was a joyful representation of what the mature Christian life should look like.

Well, it was time to talk shop, and in classic Dave fashion, I kept it short and sweet. “Loren, I’ve been cleared for donation, and I want to let you know that I’d like to direct my donation to you with no strings attached.” Smiling, he half chuckled, “That’s great!” He said so happily as the kids continued to half play with and half fight over the old sack of toys.

“What are you most anxious about?” He asked with a keen awareness to look after my own wellbeing.

“Pride,” I spilled out without hesitation. “I’m nervous that this will become a grandiose thing to me and that I will think more of myself than I ought.”

You see, what I haven’t divulged to you all yet is the VIP treatment I had been receiving from Kathryn, Marita, and every hospital staff member who aided me through the testing process. I was treated like a king. I had been thanked dozens of times per visit. I had been told how amazing I was at every turn. All of this was only elevated by that little word I learned just a few months back, altruism:

Miriam-Webster defines altruism as unselfish regard for or devotion to the welfare of others.

I can’t tell you how many conversations at the transplant center started something like this:

“So kind of you to make the decision to donate. Is this a directed donation for a family member?”

“No, just for a gentleman we met at our church.”

“Oh, how wonderful, how long have you known him?”

“Really, just since we learned he needed a kidney.”

“So is this an altruistic donation or is it part of a chain donation for someone in your family?” “No,” I would reply, “this is just altruistic, I guess.”

A brief explanation on chain donation here: something cool I learned during this process is that you can participate in a chain donation to help someone in your family. Let’s say you have a loved one who needs a kidney, and you are willing and able to donate, but you are not a match for your loved one. This is quite a common scenario. What the transplant center can do is match up all these willing donors in a chain so that through a series of donations, each willing donor will be able to give their kidney away, and by doing so, their loved one will receive a kidney from another donor. This is a great option for being able to help a family member or friend in need.

This is about the time that their eyes begin to sparkle, and you become almost superhuman in their sight. They look at you almost as if you were a Mother Teresa type. The gushing compliments follow, and the royal treatment is stepped up a notch. Now, I am not going to lie; the appreciation is wonderful. It is a salve to an exceedingly difficult process. The humanistic appreciation is powerful and feels surprisingly good, and that is what’s so tempting to lean into.

I want to be appreciated. I want to be thanked. My flesh wants to be compensated, praised, and maybe even worshipped a little for my sacrifice. I want to relax in the glorious, good feelings of my charitable deeds, but that’s why I haven’t written this book until now. I need to be in the right frame of mind spiritually. I need to be in the right posture at the foot of the cross. I need to be more concerned with helping my readers hear the heart of Christ rather than seeing the glory of my self-proclaimed “sacrifice.”

So, when Loren asked what I was most anxious about, and I answered, “Pride,” I suppose I was ready for his offensive reply. Loren considered my response above and thoughtfully responded with the deepest truth that has ever been directed at me. My potential kidney recipient sat across the living room from me, thoughtfully leaning forward in his well-worn armchair and, more concerned with my spiritual growth than with my potential benefit directed to him, he said,

“You know Dave, in light of what Christ has done for us, this kidney donation is really nothing.”

You know how your brain works faster than your tongue, or at least it should? I had a quick internal dialogue that lasted maybe two or three seconds but felt about like 10 minutes. I scolded him internally as I sat there.

“How dare you, Loren! I have been through weeks of hell in and out of the transplant center. Do you even know how much I detest needles?! My wife is just as much a part of this as me, and your words cut her sacrifice down where she should be lifted up and praised for her dedication to our family while I lay on a bed recovering from, of you know, just saving. Your. Life! You should be ashamed for your bold insensitive, and ungrateful comments.” My mind went on in a rage of righteous rebuke against an ungrateful old man.

But I didn’t say those things. You see, there was another internal dialogue taking place that day at the same time. The soft and kind voice of the Holy Spirit breathed into my heart an affirming grip of grace during those brief, brutal seconds. My flesh and my spirit battled fiercely, and by the grace and mercy of a gentle Father, his Holy Spirit overcame my flesh in that moment. I was powerless against his gentle bidding. As I looked up from Loren’s assault on my pride, I did not see a sickly old man in need of my organs. I saw a child of God. I saw a brother in Christ. I saw a friend to join with on this journey.

You see, Loren was not a taker, the beneficiary of my righteous sacrifice. Loren was on his own journey of humility and surrender. Surrender to the loss of relationship with his father, and then Surrender to the loss of him in death. Surrender to the loss of his mother-in-law in his own home. Surrender to the loss of his sweet bride to a cruel disease. Surrender to giving up his home to a foreign couple. Surrender to trading his own privacy in his home for the ability to help Lumi and Deborah better understand and know Christ.

Was this really nothing compared to Christ's sacrifice? Is that a fair assessment to myself and the thousands of others who give of their own bodies willingly every year so that their loved ones and strangers can continue to live? This is about the time that the average reader should toss this book out of the nearest window. For those who are believers or Christ-followers, may I ask you to read on a little farther? For those who are not believers, may I ask your forgiveness? The Gospel is very offensive, and this story of Christ can be upsetting for those who seek only to do good in this world. You see, Christ didn’t come into the world to condemn the world. He came here so that through himself, the world could be saved.

John 3:16-17

16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

The very fact that Christ had to come to the world implied that we were helpless without him. This, in itself, is offensive. Add to that the fact that we can do nothing in and of ourselves to save ourselves or to earn a place in heaven, and the offense ratchets up a few notches. Follow this to its logical end, and we will note that not even Bill or Malinda Gates have done enough charitable deeds to pay for the human penalty of sin. The Gates Foundation has done more for humanity in our recent history than most. (I wrote this prior to the vaccine mandates. So current debates not included,) Christ’s passage from heaven to earth is an affront to the charity of Bill and Melinda and hundreds of other selfless philanthropists. If these commendable selfless deeds were weighed on a brass scale against the weight and penalty of sin, they could never be enough to bring balance back to humanity or even themselves. The kindest and most benevolent givers have only ever delayed death at best, but they cannot cure it. My impending gift to Loren would only lengthen his life at best, but he will still succumb to death’s icy grip at some point. Christ’s sacrifice defeats the grave and conquers death. Christ's sacrifice purchases and ensures for all believers an eternity with him and the Father in perfect harmony. Whether you are a believer or an unbeliever reading this, your sacrifice is not nothing. Your honorable deeds are salt to the earth. You should be thanked and appreciated for your kindnesses to your fellow man. But in comparison to God who became man, born into this world in a stable just inches from earth soaked by animal excrement, despised by people he came to redeem, whose life was a death march, who was murdered by those who mocked his Kingship, and who was forsaken by his own Father, the only one who utterly understood what his sacrifice meant ... yes, it is appropriate for me to characterize a living organ donation as nothing in the comparative light of Christ’s death on the cross.

If you decide to donate after reading this book, what is the proper light that you should view yourself and your sacrifice in? How big of a deal is this excessively big deal? We have a nasty habit of comparing ourselves to Biblical heroes and even Christ. These comparisons are inappropriate, and we need to call these out to our brothers and sisters when we hear them. Most notably, you are not Job because you lost your job. You are not David when you are faced with an insurmountable struggle, and hear me on this, you are not comparable to Jesus when you give something up for another.

I was clay in the hands of the Potter. I was not the Potter. I was enabled by the Spirit to act as his hands and feet or, in this case, his kidney. Christ's sacrifice had eternal repercussions and changed history for all time. My sacrifice will be forgotten very quickly. Within Christ's sacrifice, he led his human form to submit to death for three days. Mine led me to lie in bed for two days. Christ's sacrifice purchased life for his redemption for all of eternity. My sacrifice bought a dying human form a few more years. Christ cried out in anguish and sweat as though it were great drops of blood. I had some gas pains and flinched for a few weeks whenever I sneezed. Christ was punctured with a spear to ensure his prompt and complete death. I had a few robotic arms probing around inside me while I was sound asleep. Possibly the highest contrast imprinted on my mind is that Christ was betrayed by a friend, he was forsaken by his disciples, and his Father left him to suffer alone in his darkest hour as it is written:

Matthew 27:46

And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” that is, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

Me? My wife never left my side; my kids sent me off and received me back as a hero, my parent, on one side, cheered and championed Julia and me as we stayed in their home before and after the surgery. My parents, on the other side, stayed with our kids, cared for our home, and helped us as we transitioned through the stages of donation and recovery.

In this moment of spiritual realization and Holy Spirit teaching, Loren and I joined shoulder to shoulder as our paths would merge for the foreseeable future. He was on his own path of submission as I was on mine. The rest of that evening was spent getting to know this kind man. I was very curious about his dialysis process, and when he asked if we would like to see his home dialysis machine, Julia and I nearly leaped up! Home dialysis was new to both of us. Loren led us back to his bedroom, where a multi-gallon bladder sat on a dual function warmer and scale. He showed us where one end of the bladder via a lengthy line would hook into a port on his stomach while he slept as well as where he hooked up the drain line run over to the plumbing in his adjoining bath. He would have to lie on his back all night, but the dialysis would run all of that fluid through his system to artificially clean his blood every night. If he did happen to roll onto his side while he was sleeping, the flow would be restricted, and an alarm would sound waking up and prompting him to roll back to his back. He also explained that this was why his stomach appeared so much bigger than it normally would, as he had to process a massive amount of fluid forcibly pumped into and out of him every night. What we were witnessing was a modern medical marvel, but even with all of this incredibly expensive equipment and ingenuity, Loren’s blood was only being cleaned a fraction of what a properly working kidney would do. His condition was slowly getting worse, and all of these medical miracles were useless as a long-term solution for his renal failure.

After a brief tour of Loren’s home and makeshift dialysis center, we tore our kids away from that sack of toys and wished Loren a good night. We showed up as near-strangers, but we left that night as a family. Loren was now an older brother, and we were each on a daunting path, but for now, we would journey together.

I’d like to take just a few sentences here to the readers who empathize with my aversion to small talk, chit-chat, and socializing in general. I do not view my introverted state as a handicap, and I do not want the readers of this book to somehow feel that if they are introverted, they need to fix something. We have strengths as introverts, and we have weaknesses. The cool thing about having weaknesses as an introvert is that there is no compulsion to tell anyone about them. It’s a beautiful picture, really. I enjoy my introversion, and if you were created in a similar way, I would encourage you to lean into the graces granted to introverts. Enjoy who you were created to be. It only becomes cumbersome for me when I am forced to share small talk with groups of people, mill about in a social setting, or otherwise come out of the comfort of my introverted self. I will say, though, that there is incredible value in a few deep one-on-one conversations with a sibling in Christ. We are called to the Christian community in the New Testament church. I do not believe this means that you need to be present at every social event, the life of the party, or comfortable making small talk in the back of the church while sipping coffee before the service. It is our responsibility, however, to seek out a few trustworthy friends here and there that we can be open and honest with. We need a few people that know us for who we are, and we need to allow the love of the Father to shine through them and illumine the dark corners of our introverted lives. We must let someone in. I have had to let specific people in during specific times for specific reasons. You must let someone in. Introversion is a gift when we use it responsibly, but our introversion can be our undoing in Christian living if we live, struggle, and fail alone. If you cannot name at least two people who really know you, who you can and do talk to on a regular basis, who you are transparent with, let me encourage you to put this book down and seek to learn who you might open up to and how you might do so. This is vital to our Christian living. SEO Type jargon. Move along ... Hello, and welcome to my not a blog blog! So, I wrote a book, and I want the message of that book to get out regardless of whether or not anyone buys a copy of the book. A blog, so I hear, is a great way to take advantage of SEO and make sure that people who WANT to find content that my book covers will have a clear path to it’s happy little home in the Amazon marketplace and should then be able to walk away with a hard copy, kindle version, or Audible copy of said book. To that end, I will be releasing sneak previews and portions to each chapter over the next several weeks. Can I buy the book today? No, sorry. While it is completed, edited, and proofed, the audio version is currently being recorded by a guy with a much better voice than my own. I have no idea what I am doing in publishing, but I think I want to release it all at once. How did you get your book on Amazon? Well, I am a brilliant author, but I also used Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP) that allows me to manage and upload my own manuscript(s), audio, and artwork. So what is the book about? Sovereign and Gentle is a window into my happy little family for those of you who don’t know us as well as a deeper look for those who do. The book will even be informative to some of my closest friends, as I don’t talk about much of this content often. The book opens with the prospect of either Julia or myself donating a Kidney, follows that painful journey, and then backtracks to cover some of our struggles with infertility, multiple miscarriages, foster care, and adoption. I even sprinkled in some real estate investing horror stories for you guys. The story is framed by key passages from Scripture that have been especially meaningful to me, and the climax of the book seeks to honor and praise God, who has gifted us in all things to be able to serve him in and through our struggles. Did I discuss the big church from college days that laid me off on multiple occasions and kicked us out of a house after the pastor went up the river? I did, and I don’t think I’m bitter… I think... I’m a work in progress there, but I hope that I framed that experience in such a manner that others who have been beaten up by institutions can find comfort in the one who is sovereign over all things and in His ultimate plan.